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Scots Crusader
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Posted - 2005.11.16 14:50:00 -
[1]
Here you go folks. Let me know your oldest or worst jokes ever.(within forum rules of course)
Here is mine, A primary school teacher asks the class to go home and get a story from thier parents that has a moral in it. the following day the teacher comes in to the class and asks Mary for her story.
Mary says that her mum was walking home one day with her shopping in a bag. the bag slipped and all the messages were spilled. the eggs all broke. when asked for the moral mary replied"Do not put all your eggs in one basket" The teacher was impressed.
This went on round the whole class till it came to Johnny. Johnny stands up and says"My aunt Mary was in the army and crashed behing enemy lines with only a gun, 8 bullets, a knife and a bottle of whisky. She was attacked by 20 soldiers of the enemies army.
She drank the whisky, shot the first 8 soldiers dead, knifed the next 6 till the knife snapped then beat the remaining soldiers to death with her bare hands." and the teacher replier"and what is the moral to this story Johnny?"
Johnny smiles and says"Do not **** with my aunt mary when she has got a drink in!!!!!!!"
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Scots Crusader
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Posted - 2005.11.16 15:24:00 -
[2]
Superman and Batman are sitting discussing thier weekend. Batman asks"How was your weekend" "up and down" replies superman.
"I was flying through the city when i see wonderwoman lying in an appartment, totaly naked, screaming"take me, take me" so i fly through her window and land on top of her"
"bet that gave her a shock" replied batman. "not near as big a shock as the Invisible man" replied Superman.
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Scots Crusader
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Posted - 2005.11.16 15:41:00 -
[3]
A member of the royal family is visiting an army hospital. She walks up to the first patient and asks what he is there for. "piles, your majesty" he replies. She turns and asks the doctor what the remedy for this is? "wire brush and dettol, mam" replies the doctor. she turns to the patient and asks what his biggest wish is? "to get well so i can go back to serving you mam" is the reply. for this he is given a medal.
She approaches the next patient and asks what is the problem with him. "Venerial Disease mam" he replies. Again the doctor is asked for the cure, again the answer is "wire brush and dettol mam" and when he was asked his biggest wish his answer was the same as the first fellow, same result, a medal.
She then goes up to the last man, and when asked he replies "tonsilitis Mam" with the same answer for the treatment "wire brush and dettol" So she turns to the man and asks what his biggest wish is?
To which the man replies "To get the wire brush and dettol before these two"
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Scots Crusader
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Posted - 2005.11.16 16:00:00 -
[4]
Here is a really old(but quick)one.
Two cows in a field, and one turns to the other one and says "I am really worried about this mad cow disease"
"I'm not" replies the second cow"I'm a sheep"
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Scots Crusader
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Posted - 2005.11.17 10:06:00 -
[5]
What goes, peck, peck, bang!!!!!....peck, peck, bang!!!!!!!
2 chickens in a mine field.
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Scots Crusader
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Posted - 2005.11.18 10:29:00 -
[6]
I see scientist have discovered a foodstuff that cuts a womans sex drive by 95%.......................it's called wedding cake!!!!!!!!!
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Scots Crusader
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Posted - 2005.11.21 13:29:00 -
[7]
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells???????
Pregnant!!!!!!!
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Maturity and wisdom do not occur overnight.
Stupidity on the otherhand, can happen in the blink of an eye!!!!
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Scots Crusader
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Posted - 2005.11.21 15:04:00 -
[8]
Why do women get married in white?
All household appliances come in that colour.
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Maturity and wisdom do not occur overnight.
Stupidity on the otherhand, can happen in the blink of an eye!!!!
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Scots Crusader
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Posted - 2005.12.08 13:43:00 -
[9]
A blonde girl phones up her boyfriend and cries "You have got to come round at once,I am stuck on a killer jigsaw!!!"
So the man drives round to her house and goes in. the blonde says, "it is supposed to be a tiger according to the picture on the front of the box, but i have been at it 3 days now."
The man takes the girl aside and says,
"Firstly, why don't you calm down and have a cup of tea, and secondly, i will tidy it all away as you will never get it to look anything like a tiger in a month of Sundays"
"Why not?" demands the blonde.......
"It is a box of Frosties!" says the man
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Maturity and wisdom do not occur overnight.
Stupidity on the otherhand, can happen in the blink of an eye!!!!
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